I got back home and went immediately to my room, taking the things I bought out of the plastic bags and put them on my table. I texted Jake, saying that I was at home safely.
He replied that it was a relief for him. I also asked him if he got back safe and he replied that he did. I was ecstatic texting with him and the scenes earlier replayed on my mind like a piece of music on repeat.
The door of my bedroom suddenly opened and then my father came into sight with a belt in his hand. He snatched my phone away from me and hit me with the metal on the belt.
“What was that for? Give me my phone back!” I shouted at him and he hit me again.
“You slut! You still have the guts to shout at me!” He shouted and hit me again and again on my legs and thighs.
I cried because it hurts a lot and then sometimes, I became numb with his beatings. My mom just stood there on my bedroom door frame then after a while, told my dad to stop.
He called me lots of nasty things. He scrolled through my phone and read aloud the messages Jake and I texted with each other. He even saw the photos we’ve sent and then he slapped me so hard.
I just sat there crying, listening to him and then they got out of my room and locked me up. It all happened so fast that I couldn’t even digest it myself.
Everything that had happened between Jake and I came flooding on my mind. The first time we texted each other, the things we’ve done, our first meeting, our first kiss together, all those beautiful moments with him. It all came crashing down on me.
I tried to stand up but I couldn’t. I held on to my bed to help me stand up for many tries, I did. I lay down on my bed, thinking and wondering how fast it all happened.
I questioned myself so many times where did I go wrong. Everything felt so right to me at that moment that I couldn’t point out where I made a mistake.
I stood up and my legs were wobbly. I walked towards my closet slowly and carefully not to fall on myself. I changed my clothes and walked back to my bed and lied down there again.
I grabbed one of the new books I bought and started reading it. I have no phone now so I might read to pass the time.
My door opened and it was my mom. She brought food and put it on my table. I ignored her and just continued reading. She got out after she placed the tray on the table.
I just looked at the food and shrugged my shoulders and read again. I finished about ten chapters and decided to sleep, wishing that this was all a dream.
The following day when I woke up, I saw the food still on my table. There it hit on me that everything happened was not a dream.
I massaged my thighs as it hurt so bad. I looked at it and there were lots of bruises. My whole thighs and legs were filled with bruises.
I checked my entire body to see if there were any bruises except on my thighs and legs. Unluckily, there were some bruises on my waist and tummy.
I couldn’t believe what I saw, so I put on some jammies to hide the bruises. I lied down on the bed and reread the book. I couldn’t go to school full of bruises and knew that they wouldn’t let me go to school either.
I stayed in my room like a prisoner. Reading books and writing things on my mind. So many what if’s have flowed through my mind right now.
What if I remain who I am? What if I never engage in those things? What if I didn’t let curiosity get ahead of me?
I smacked my head a lot of times for being so stupid. Why did I let myself go on it like that? I regretted what I did and at the same time, I’m not.
Maybe I was regretful because I got caught. I’m glad that I had to experience it but at the same time, I regretted that it happened coz look where it got me today?
My body was filled with bruises, no phone, and locked in my room. I feel so suffocated right now. I don’t know when will my life be back. Maybe not ever.
I know I let them down but what do they want me to do? This is me. I can’t just stop being who I am. That was just the first time I let myself be free on what to do.
They caged me like a little girl and that’s what I did to myself but I can’t just cage the real me my whole life. I needed to set myself free from the cage they built and this is where it got me.
They caged me so much that I became wild. If they have just given me a little space to breathe into, I wouldn’t have become like this. I wouldn’t be so curious about a lot of things. I wouldn’t do what I did if they let me have my own life.
For them, I’m still a little girl that needed to be locked up. They’re so afraid of what might happen to me that they didn’t think of what has happened to me with all of what they did.
I know I couldn’t blame them for the consequences of what I’ve done. I feel like this is just so unfair for me. I did everything they wanted me to do. I lived up to all their standards and with just a single mistake, all of the things they want me to do that I’ve done go all down to the drain.